I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
