we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
