i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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