We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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