my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
