Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
