Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
