I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
