Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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