im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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