Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
