Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
