I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
