he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
