My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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