True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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