If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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