That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
