One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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