i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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