I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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