apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
