My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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