Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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