Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
