note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think your dad took our porno
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
