true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
