he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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