i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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