Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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