If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
