dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm always down for nudity.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
