I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
