the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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