is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We left an ass print on the piano.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
