Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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