Pants 0. Shit 1.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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