you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
