You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
