You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
