The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
