Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
