Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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