Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
