Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you traded sex for a burrito?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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