I accidentally had phone sex last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she looked like the before picture.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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