Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
