I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
