he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
