I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
