i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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